Well, it’s that time of year again…..you know, the time where all you humans gather round your computer screens and wait anxiously for your very own Megastar to regale you with wise philosophies by which you can live your sad lives for the next twelve earth months. The time when, for some strange reason you all insist on planting trees inside your houses. Yes folks, it’s nearly – what you human types – call Christmas.
I hear tell that some of you (Grimnien) still wait for the earth Queen’s speech on Christmas day. It is beyond me why you would listen to ol’ Queenie when you have the chance to listen to the greatest Megastar who has ever graced the Universe! Apart from anything else she talks dead posh and, judging by the humans I’ve met since arriving on your planet, none of you can probably understand a word she’s on about anyway.
This year I shall be telling you how to achieve the world peace that many of you seem to desire and I will also be predicting who is going to be the biggest star on planet earth in 2017…….Ol’ Queenie doesn’t do that now does she??
So, first the small matter of world peace. Grimney – the planet where I originate from – is very peaceful. Granted it’s because most of its inhabitents have been eaten but that’s another story…. TCH! You humans can’t see the granite for the rocks! Peace is SOOOO easy to achieve, all you have to do is obliterate all the beings who shatter the peace, how hard can that be? There are a number of ways you can achieve this although I wouldn’t recommend eating your fellow beings! If you do, however, PLEASE don’t mention moi when you get arrested and…….get arrested you will, make no mistake. Earth police are highly trained and it won’t escape their attention if a human being has been chewed………..
Another way to rid your planet of unwanted trouble makers is to get your dragon to throw flames at them. What’s that you say? You don’t have a dragon? I’m sure Meadow will lend you her Barbie Q in return for giving her a pile of ironing:-) However, please be aware that the earth police are well trained in spotting the remains of a dragon attack……
If there’s anything else you humans need advice on be sure to get in touch with me. In the meantime I would like to leave you with a great Christmas song – by my star prediction for 2017! Remember you heard him here first:-) This will get you in the mood for Steve Luff’s Christmas party which is happening on Friday the 23rd December:
I predict that this Dylan bloke has a bright future ahead of him!
Finally, to all my followers A VERY Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year:-)
Love Gongle x