I was talking to my ex, AnMarie the other day and she finally came out and told the truth about why she called our wedding off! I did wonder at the time if it was because I buried her up to her neck in sand on Miami beach. I ran off and left her to ‘see if she could escape before the tide came in.’ I dismissed the idea quite quickly though because she did have a sense of humour and I’d done loads of stuff like that to her in the past.
I’d also given her a platinum card with no spending limit and all I asked in return was that she had my tea on the table at 5 sharpish. She didn’t like me banning her from talking to men either but they were just little niggles…..She did used to get annoyed when I took other ladies out for meals but I explained to her that she’d have to get used to it because I am a megastar!
Our wedding day was fast approaching – I’d ordered hundreds of bananas for the wedding feast because I love banana butties – when …..she suddenely called the whole thing off! Tch! Women! I’ll never understand them!
Actually it was a lucky escape for me because she refused point blank to do my ironing and even had the cheek to tell me to do my own ironing!! I really think you earth men need to put your feet down before it’s too late! Your earth women are really taking the Mickey you know and what makes it worse is you’re letting them get away with it! I keep hearing about ‘women’s rights’ since arriving on your planet but………what about men’s rights?
Anyway I haven’t stopped laughing since AnMarie revealed the reason she backed out of our wedding and…..you will too when I tell you! It turns out that she didn’t like the clause in the traditional Grimnien wedding that stated the marriage can be anulled within twelve months if the man thinks he’s made a mistake.
For Heaven’s sake! Is that any reason to throw away your chance to be married to the most famous megastar in the universe?? Clearly she thought she couldn’t live up to my expectations! She said it was a ‘pity’ about the clause! Why?
Honestly, you humans! If you buy something from a shop and don’t like it you have twenty eight days to return it for a full refund but if you marry a woman then realise you made a mistake you’re stuck with her for life?…..make no sense to me at all!
Anyway AnMarie, I wish you lots of happiness and I hope you find a soft lad – as they say in Liverpool – who will do his own ironing and be daft enough to let you talk to other men!
Meanwhile I am still the Universe’s most eligible bachelor ladies:-)
Love Gongle x